Families evolve and develop over time, transitioning through various stages; marriage, first child, starting school, changing schools, transitioning to adolescence, leaving school, getting a job, changing jobs, moving house, and so on……
For some families these transitions can come and go with some minor (or major) adjustments. Other families find some of these transitions more overwhelming, for a variety of reasons. And there are many families that sit somewhere in between.
We are all wired differently, with different life experiences.
When Do I Need to Get Help- For Myself, My Partner, or My Children?
You or your family may have had a major change in your life. Maybe you have gone back to work now that your youngest child has hit the teenage years and your partner is doing well in their business. You notice your youngest child has become anxious and is complaining of stomach aches in the morning, then coming home from school ‘dumping’ the day's events on you. By the time you get home from work yourself you are running around trying to get the dinner on the table before everyone else starts to grumble. As time progresses you notice that you and your partner are talking less and going to bed at different times.
Going back to work is a big transition point in the life of your family unit. It takes some adjusting by everyone. If you find that as time progresses your family is able to make those adjustments and find new routines, maintain the important rituals like eating together and discussing the day at the dinner table, most of the time, connecting with your partner at the end of the day and preparing children for the outside world then all will work out in the long run.
For some families, a transition like a parent returning to work, can really upset the apple cart and they struggle to adapt. Maybe the youngest child continues to get a sore tummy, and then it escalates to refusing to go to school in the morning. You, your partner and your other children are trying to get out the door, whilst trying to decide if you should let your youngest stay at home, again. If a transition in your house is causing a disruption that is affecting multiple family members, or the functioning of one of its members, it might be time to get some help.
How can a Family Therapist Help?
A therapist will spend some time with you working out what is going on, what adjustments might help, what family members are thinking, what interactions might be contributing to the problem, what interactions are contributing to a potential solution. Maybe one person is doing most of the adjusting but they are feeling like they need more support. It might be possible that an underlying issue has not been a problem in the past as each life transition has been managed. A therapist can help you uncover your family’s strengths and look at what patterns could be altered to get you back on track.
If any of this sounds familiar or if you have questions about whether a therapist could help you with what you are going through, contact Family Reshaped.